Hunt with class

I am past 30.  Not toeing the line, not touching the paint - completely, and definitively, past 30.  Lucky for me, I appear to look probably five years younger than I am - or that's what people tell me.  I look at pictures taken of me five years ago and I can't see the difference.  At any rate, I'm healthy and attractive and I get a lot of hits on my profile.

So what?  The funny part is, I get hits from guys who are 10 years my junior.  Now, I have a 10-year range in the "looking for" part of my profile - five years younger, five years older.  But it does not include wide-eyed, stiff-crotched young men who are barely old enough to buy me a drink.  I teach all day long for my job, and I do NOT want to have to keep "working" when I get home - I want a partner who is skilled, confident, and grounded.  This is not to say that younger men are, universally, inexperienced or untalented in bed, nor that they are ALL unworldly or immature.  There may be an excellent partner out there for me who is, in fact, ten years younger.  But as an age group, I am simply unwilling to sift through all the horny naivete to find that exception.

However, this has not prevented at least three young men (I omit the "gentle" with absolute intention) from contacting me via OkStupidIM to propose a little cradle romp.  Not that there's anything wrong with trying to see if you can get a more experienced woman to sleep with you.  But the way these men went about it illustrates EXACTLY my point - no matter how old the woman, a little class is needed when propositioning her.  Here are some examples (a short compilation of the tasteless, but entertaining, approaches taken by Dumb, Dumber, and D'Oh):
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Okstupidboy:  Hey, how are you?

Me: Peachy, and yourself?

Okstupidboy:  Peachy, lol, that's great  :) So, I was wondering ... I've got this fantasy of hooking up with a much older woman and I was wondering if you'd be into that.

Me:  (in the mood to be entertained) You know, I don't "hook up" with anyone, no matter how old they are, but are you for real?

Okstupidboy:  Yes, I bet we could have a really good time, I saw your pictures and you're hot, you can check out mine if you want.

Me:  (after obligingly checking out pictures)  Seriously, you seem very cute, but I don't do casual hookups, it says so on my profile.

Okstupidboy:  You never know until you try!  ;)  lol.

Me:  Believe me, I don't plan on trying, but honestly, what would I get out of the deal?

Okstupidboy:  Well, I mean ... it would be fun, I've been told I'm good in bed, well, I'm pretty sure I am, and you could show me things I don't know, it's my fantasy to have an older woman teach me.  I'm also really *well-equipped* lol  ;)

Me:  You are serious?  You just want to take me, an anonymous older woman, out for drinks or something, and then have sex, and hope that you learn something and that you can satisfy me at least minimally?

Okstupidboy:  I don't really have money for drinks, lol, you'd have to buy your own.

Me:  Are you for real?

Okstupidboy:  Yeah, I mean, hey, at least I'm being honest.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Where is the lesson here?  There are obviously several, but the overall one is, dear Okstupidboy who can't lock down an older woman - SHOW SOME CLASS.  I, personally, always say no to hookups, no matter what age group they come from, and no matter how classy the proposal or attractive the man.  I expect a lot out of my partner, and I'm not interested in wasting a notch on my bedpost on some potentially mediocre sex.  But that's just me.  Other ladies my age, who ARE open to more casual encounters, will be more likely to respond positively to your advances if you comply with the following ...

RULES FOR HUNTING AN OKCOUGAR:

First of all, read the woman's profile.  If she hasn't listed "short-term dating" or "casual sex" amongst her "looking for" parameters, move ON.  Believe me, your youthful charms are not half as attractive as you think they are, especially to a woman who has a stated interested in stability, and even more so if you're more than a year or two away from the bottom range of her age bracket. 

Supposing that you've decided to contact this (would-be) OkCougar, promise yourself NOT to use smileys, LOLs, OMGs, and other abbreviations unless SHE does first.  We are part of a generation that met, dated, hooked up, and loved without electronic interventions - and while many of us have learned to manage that language fluently, others will be put off by your youthful insistence on shorthand phrases and laughter that we know better than to believe is actually "out loud."

Don't start off with "much older."  Jeez.  Most women my age (if my initial paragraph didn't convince you) don't feel a day older than 27.  Calling us "much older" or even "older" may be accurate, but it is NOT attractive.  If you are proposing a hookup, ask us how we are, tell us how attractive we are, and then propose the damn hookup.  We can figure out your age on our own, promise.  If we say yes, we know what we're getting into.

Also ... hints at your poverty, lack of education, residence in a parental basement, videogames, part-time job, and anything else that screams "MAN-BOY" will not help your case.  The most important benefits of hooking up with a younger guy are your supposed stamina, still-visible-from-varsity-football physique, and enthusiasm.  Please don't imply that we should pay for the obligatory drinks beforehand, or that getting together at your place would interrupt your roommate's Madden tournament.  Save up for sex with an older woman like you would for a car ... or at least a freaking oil change. 

Happy hunting ...