My OkC experience started when I told a friend I had tickets for a hockey game and no one to go with. I was new in my town and knew fewer than a half-dozen people. She proceeded to tell me that she'd been checking out a certain guy's profile on OkCupid (this "dating site" I'd heard of, but never visited), that he was in my town, and that he would be "perfect" for me.
She copy-pasted every word of his profile into an email and sent it forth ... and boy, did he sound great on screen. Witty, self-deprecating, with just enough personal detail to make you say wow, this guy is really in touch with his emotions. You know the type.
I got to see a picture, too - he was wearing a beanie and a scarf, hands in his pockets, shoulders shrugged up in a slightly sheepish way ... seemed very endearing.
So I signed up ... as I was filling out my profile, my friend (we'll call her Cindy) emailed him and told him that I was interested in a date. Once I was actually "in" the system, I went to visit his profile for myself.
*Sigh* The rest of the pictures were not good. He was definitely more Cindy's type than mine. But, by then he had contacted me and I felt obligated to go on a date. He still seemed fun and funny, and I figured that I might get a friend out of the deal. I also liked that he already had plans the same night I had those tickets, and was not willing to blow them off to go on a date - I was encouraged by the scent of non-desperation. So I showed up to breakfast with the best of intentions.
Unfortunately, he showed up to breakfast with chips on his shoulders stacked up like Pringles. He was noticeably, painfully defensive about everything, especially his recent weight loss. Not a hint of the self-confidence that his so-carefully-worded profile had conveyed.
This, however, was not the coconut-shattering problem. Everyone has self-esteem issues. But here is where he failed:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(after we finished breakfast)
OkStupidman: So, I was thinking we could go for a walk, since you said you like being outside in your profile.
Me: Oh, sure, I guess that would be fine, where would we go?
OkStupidman: Well, I know a park right near here that is really pretty.
Me: Hm, well, is it like a city park with playground equipment or is it a wooded park with trails?
OkStupidman: It's more like the second.
Me: (thinking): Oh, yes, that sounds fabulous - I didn't actually write it in my profile, but I LOVE going out in the woods alone with men I've just met. My life goal is to become a Dateline true story ...
(out loud): Um, I'd just as soon stay in town, do you know any cool neighborhoods?
OkStupidman: (sounding surprised) You ... you don't want to go for a hike in the woods?
Me: No, I'd really rather stay in town. I don't know the city well yet - is there someplace fun we could walk around?
OkStupidman: Yeah, sure, we can go to (InsertNameOf) Street, there's a good bookstore up there, and I don't live too far away. Why don't you follow me to my house in your car and we can take the bus from there?
Me: (thinking): Ah, yes, so we can get extra "together time" both ways on the bus, and then of course you can invite me in after we get back from our walk, and since I don't know the city very well I'll completely depend on you to get back in the first place, and your neighborhood just might be sketchy or isolated and ... Ann Curry's gonna love this.
(out loud): You know, I should get back home fairly soon, I have some work to do, so why don't we just drive separately and then I can leave right after our walk.
OkStupidman: You ... you don't want to just leave your car at my place?
Me: No, really, I'd prefer to drive myself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I won't regale you with further "date" details ... but what is the lesson here??
I learned lots ... but this blog is about you, OkStupidman, who can't figure out why he's still single ...
DON'T ACT LIKE A CREEPER! I am very sure that I would have been absolutely safe with this guy - but that isn't the damn issue. The point is that anyone with an ounce of common sense would realize that inviting a girl he's just met into the f**king woods is psycho behavior - even if he has no psycho intentions at all. It's about appearances, people. He further demonstrated his okstupidity by pushing forward and saying "let's ride over together." I'm sure he was just trying to be green, but it only showed that he did not catch the whole "I'm not yet comfortable being alone with you" message I was sending.
In short, it doesn't matter if you're not a stalking, ax-murdering rapist. If you ACT like one, women will wonder if you actually are one, or if you're too clueless to realize that you're giving off that impression. Either way, you lose.
And when it comes down to it, so do we.
No comments:
Post a Comment