After a long hiatus, you probably thought Cupid's arrow had found its mark ... but rest assured, dear men and women of OkStupid (and empathetic friends), I remain entirely single. A long trip abroad this summer, a truly hectic work schedule, and a vibrant social life have meant little dating for me - let alone of the online kind. However, a recent bout of unrequited love let me know it was time to make an effort again. I went on my first OkC date in MONTHS a few nights ago. How did it go??
Honestly ... not as badly as I'm building it up to sound :) He was nice (if nerdy), intelligent (if predictable), handsome (if not my type) ... nothing you could really stick a pin in as far as a clear, easily articulated "this is why I don't want a second date" reasoning.
No, wait. I think perhaps I CAN articulate it:
I didn't want to have sex with him.
There, that wasn't so difficult.
Now, this is coming from someone who is so hard up she read the entire Fifty Shades of Grey series in a single day. It has been literally months (with the exception of a memorable third-base extravaganza some time back) ... to the point where I'm beginning to think I should quit while I'm ahead and join a nunnery. God gives extra credit for pre-monastic celibacy ... right??
So, with all this in mind, you'd think I'd jump on the first warm and willing gentleman I could. Sadly, I don't go in for casual encounters and even less so with an Okstupidman like this one. Things seemed ideal - we picked a restaurant with cuisine I love; we were both there on time; I was in a good mood since I'd just come from a live music show and I had another one lined up for later that night; he was friendly and talkative .... despite all this, I was already pulling my hair out from boredom forty-seven minutes into the date. However, we had a two-hour window from which I had no way to extricate myself gracefully. I barely managed to sidestep the questions which were obviously angling towards finding out exactly where I was heading after our date was over.
We stayed in the shallow end of the get-to-know-you pool (which was fine with me) and, to my surprise, I found myself honestly laughing here and there; I was relieved and said to myself - perhaps we can be friends, at least. And even if there's nothing romantic here now, perhaps there could be, in some crazy post-apocalyptic future.
Then the check came.
Men of OkStupid - I am by NO means advocating that you should foot the bill for every single date you go on, especially for what are essentially blind dates facilitated by a website ... I see it as two people just agreeing to be in the same place for a while, where each party takes care of his or her own obligations, just as if they had come solo.
That said ... is it nice when a guy picks up the check? Absolutely. But since I can't articulate any valid reasons why, let's skip to splitting the bill.
If this is not already obvious ... do NOT attempt an exact, to-the-cent, reckoning of what's owed. If you are breaking out your calculator (how quaint) or your phone in order to do this, you are going to freak out your date. She's going to think one of the following:
a) you're a penny-pinching jerk
b) you have serious OCD issues
c) you can't do basic math (this may not seem like a big deal, but an inability to carry out simple addition and subtraction operations mentally has serious implications for how much focus and multi-tasking she thinks you'll be able to demonstrate in bed).
Now, my date did not take out a calculator ... though I sort of wish he had. I was in the restroom when the check came; I opened it when I got back and he immediately said, "this is obviously NOT a fifty-fifty thing, considering my margaritas." A quick look revealed that, yes, his alcohol bill was significantly higher. He said, "but if you put in such-and-such-an-amount, that should be about right" ... now, I didn't want to call him out, but I was pretty sure, from the glance I'd taken, that he was wrong ... still, I thought maybe I neglected to look at the tax or some such thing. So I waited.
Cards were run and returned ... and I found that I paid just two dollars short of half - while his alcohol bill was over three times as much as mine. Um ... what?
In absolute terms, it wasn't very much money. My bank isn't broken because of it. But that's not the point. If I had actually liked him, my HEART might have broken a little. When it comes to splitting the bill, men of OkStupid ... JUST ROUND UP.
Now, might it have been an careless mistake on his part? Sure. But if you ask a girl to pay $23 towards a $50 bill RIGHT AFTER you get done saying that you owe quite a bit more ... something, both literally and metaphorically, doesn't add up. Did you not hear yourself, just now? Do you honestly forget things twenty seconds after you say them? Are you making me pay more than my share as retaliation for not inviting you to the show I am literally squirming to flee to? All this, from someone who works in finance.
So, if you're not an outright jerk who WANTS to trick the girl into paying more, I sincerely recommend that you round UP. (Obviously the conversation could go a different way and she could be the one doing all the calculations - in which case, you're free to go along with it or not). But if you've taken charge, and you doubt your math skills, it's safer to pay a few extra dollars than to screw it up in your favor and look like a freeloader or an idiot - or both.
